DireConsequences's Journal
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3 entries this month
22:09 Feb 19 2009
Times Read: 916
Comcast has been here since 3:30 a.m. and it's 5:07. I'm wondering when everything is going to get sorted out.
We moved. Boxes are still everywhere. I'm on new medicine. Aurora has her own room now. I'll be on later tonight or something.
Finally Moving Soon
02:37 Feb 06 2009
Times Read: 939
I'm feeling rather anti-social. I've been freaking out a lot in public but we've had things that needed to get done.
Aurora got her very first haircut today! She did really good through it and didn't even fuss. She was so amazed at everything.
I got my book today that I've been looking forward to getting.
I broke down a little while ago. I had to go ask for the cat from next door. I started talking about my daddy and just started losing what little control I had left. The last word of my sentence was a sobbing yell.
I've been starting to talk to Brett. He's been doing better with his anger and things.
We have enough money to get the apartment for us. Thank god!
I've been packing everyday and still there's so much more to pack. It feels like it's all being put on me. I have three days left of this. We're starting to move Monday evening or me during the day if I can get someone to watch Aurora for a few hours. I don't feel too comfortable about moving things by myself though because of my back and legs. Plus my anxiety is a whole other issue!
I have messages on here out the ass waiting for my reply but I can't get the nerve to do so. I replied Tony and that's it. I might try to reply a couple of them tomorrow or something.
I'm sorry to anyone who feels like I'm ignoring or avoiding them. I kind of am from all the stress right now... I'm sorry.
15:09 Feb 01 2009
Times Read: 960
So yesterday I got some packed, I got my portfolio up, and my mom and step-dad watched Aurora so Brett and I could go out to eat. Yum! Thank god for my free buffet ticket! It would have cost $31.95 but they knew I had the ticket for two free buffets. It took us forever to get in though.
I got Aurora's clothes sorted through for the most part. I have what she can wear in two boxes to go with us, her most worn outfits in her dresser still, and the ones she can't in boxes for the consignment shop. I also have her things for her own room packed up as well.
I can't wait for her to have her own room!
Today I'm starting to go through Brett and my own clothes. I'm packing the ones we don't wear all too much (like once every two weeks) and I'm leaving out the ones we always wear.
We still need to get two baby gates but I'm not sure how the hell we can afford them. I'm going to call the consignment shop tomorrow to ask her to call me if any come her way. I have plenty of clothes for credit there!
I'm packing up movies and games today but I'm going to leave the boxes open by the television and game consoles. That way we can still play them and things.
I'm going to pack up my makeup that I don't use too often and some of the bathroom products that won't really be missed. We have tons of shampoo and body wash.
My plan is to go through things little by little each day. I don't really want to be rushed by this otherwise my anxiety is going be more of an issue then anything.
Oh and I like my psychiatrist! He used to be a regular doctor and basically threw my bullshit excuse of getting pregnant out of the water on my weight! I liked that. Everyone uses that excuse for me that I had a baby when I get depressed about my weight. It's not really the case though. I keep putting on because I'm depressed and without motivation about anything!
He diagnosed me with depression, anxiety with signs of agoraphobia (he wants to keep an eye on it) and an extreme case of post traumatic stress syndrome. It's pretty bad when he even used the word "extreme" to describe my case. I couldn't even talk about the past without shaking and bursting into eyes. He asked me about my flashbacks and nightmares too.
He explained to me that he thinks I might have inherited some of the depression and anxiety from my parents but it's mostly coming from my not dealing with being sexually abused.
You know the sad things is my mother dismissed it as it being from my daddy dying and that it's not from anything out of the norm in my childhood.
When is she going to ever wake up and admit anything happened?
I don't even know why that's so important to me. I need her to admit something happened.
I'm going to stop typing before I start crying again. I'm hoping to write more later though.
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COMMENTS
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SuicideDoll
13:39 Feb 22 2009
That's great, Tiffany - congrats!